Cheryl Graham-Seay, at night with a blurred city skyline behind her, stands facing the viewer, holding a photo of her son

Reverberation: The ongoing impacts of a life lost to gun violence

For each life lost in a flash of gun violence, their loved ones’ suffering endures. A mother shares her journey from loss to community advocacy amid broken social systems.

  • Cheryl Graham-Seay
  • January 10, 2022

It was the most horrific, painful day in our lives.

My 18-year-old son was killed on our front porch 10 years ago in front of his father. Eight months after losing Jarell I lost my position at Penn Medicine because of organizational restructuring. I was unemployed, relocated to a new neighborhood, and now my husband and I found ourselves drained emotionally, physically, and mentally. I exhausted my retirement funds because I could not find employment and my husband struggled to do his contracting work because Jarell was his partner. He just didn’t have it in him.

We sought counseling. Our therapist was an older Jewish white lady who was empathetic, brilliant, and cussed a little. At first I thought, no way this lady is going to be effective with our healing process, but boy was I wrong. She was so instrumental in giving us both the push we needed to work our way through the devastation of losing Jarell. We went to counseling for five years. It was a stepping stone to functioning in our lives.

“For the past 10 years we lost a sense of time because of our grief process, while the world went on around us.”

The main motivation that keeps us inspired to push on 10 years later is our firm belief in our faith, numerous prayers, support, and God’s grace and mercy. Had it not been for those things, I don’t know where we would be today. With our faith, we persevered in our community service work and established the Jarell Christopher Seay Love and Laughter Foundation to keep it moving. Our mission is to unite communities by connecting families while helping to protect our children through gun violence prevention, safety, and education.

We participated in rallies in D.C. with other organizations in the city, sat on the 19th District Philadelphia Police Advisory Board, led peace marches and vigils, participated in panels on violence prevention, and many other events and activities across the city. We found that we got most satisfaction and fulfillment when we saw children and parents in the community who would stop us and say, “We remember you, you lost your son Jarell to gun violence, you took us to the beach in Wildwood, we were at your backpack giveaway, received holiday gifts, or we were in your LIPP [Ladies in Power for Peace] girls’ empowerment or Defenders summer safety program.” When we hear things like that, it really helps us to continue to heal, and most of all brings us joy to know that Jarell’s memory lives on.

No one, no matter what side of the gun you are on, should have to lose their life because of gun violence. It’s a choice that a person makes and does not have to happen. It makes me so angry to know that someone chooses to be the judge and jury over one’s life by shooting them. No one has the right to claim that! What you take away is more than just one victim’s life.

Gun violence is the most traumatizing pandemic we’ve witnessed. The devastating effects on everyone involved remain for a lifetime. Those who lose a family member always have that empty feeling. The injured face a lifetime of rehab, pain, and a multitude of medications. Family and friends change. For the past 10 years we lost a sense of time because of our grief process, while the world went on around us. Life changes in a number of ways for many over a decade. In 2016 I was rehired by Penn Medicine as a community health worker and started all over again. I recently received my associate’s degree with honors and am now working on my bachelor’s in Human Services. After all of this, I’m starting to feel like myself again. A decade has passed since losing my Jarell and all I do is in honor of his memory.

A smiling girl with braids turns toward the camera and smiles, wearing a purple backpack and holding a small gift bag
Cheryl Graham-Seay organizes an annual backpack giveaway for kids in West Philadelphia. The day of activities includes safety presentations.

As a community health worker I’ve grown to be very humble. I’ve worked one-on-one with patients as young as 18 years old and as seasoned as 96 years old. My job is to support my patients as they work hard to improve their health and deal with everyday life issues, family, and more. As a member of their community, I’m someone who is relatable to them, and that it makes it all more meaningful.

In my role, I also witness broken systems all the time. Systems that are meant to help never seem to work in sync. The welfare program provides just barely enough to make it through. If you make $10 to $20 more in pay, you become ineligible for benefits, and then comes the stress and depression. The system doesn’t promote growth in education or physical or mental health, or provide dignity.

Gun violence is a public health problem that is still not recognized enough. The systems meant to deal with it are broken, too. Too often, just like in social services, it’s just a band-aid approach. There are many layers to work through. Money is a huge part of the problem. Prevention receives little funding, while the prison and justice systems get all the funding needed to house criminals and do not provide effective training and rehabilitation to reintroduce them to society.

The systems put into place hundreds of years ago are not relevant to society today because they treat justice, education, mental health, and other systems as separate problems. These social systems must come together at one time and start chipping away at our nation’s problems, gun violence especially. In one of the richest countries in the world, we are drowning in the failures of antiquated policies, corruption, and injustices. We have scholars, scientists, and experts who care about this problem but still don’t know how to work effectively in unison to address these issues. Until that happens I don’t see change.

Meanwhile, we will continue to honor Jarell’s memory through our work to serve the community. Jarell was a giver. He loved life, family, and his community. Our motto we use and printed on the back of our shirts reads, “Let LOVE Be the Power that Rules YOU!” That is our forever motivation.

About Cheryl Graham-Seay

Cheryl Graham-Seay is a Penn Medicine community health worker in the Penn Center for Community Health Workers, a national center of excellence where the IMPaCT program for community health workers originated. Graham-Seay is co-founder with her husband, Joel Seay, of the Jarell Christopher Seay Love and Laughter Foundation. The Foundation’s programs include an annual backpack giveaway for kids in West Philadelphia that includes safety and martial arts presentations; Ladies in Power for Peace, a program for girls in grades 6 to 8 to learn about healthy eating, self-care, and staying safe; and the Defenders summer program for younger students focused on safety. The Foundation has received funding for its antiviolence efforts from the Philadelphia District Attorney’s office, Penn Medicine CAREs grants, other grants, and through its own regular fundraisers.

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