A camp balancing joy and sorrow helps kids and teens explore grief
Camp Erin is a place where kids and teens who have lost a significant person explore grief and learn how to remember. Trained volunteers supported by Penn Medicine Hospice have used the summer camp formula to help a generation of campers move forward with loss.
The surface of the lake was still, the air dense with humidity. The last fingers of pink and orange gripped the horizon as little flickers of light were passed down a line of two dozen volunteers. Each light represented the memory of a life. A person. Campers walked up, one by one, to light those candles, some taking to a microphone to share about the person close to them who died.
“My mom, she liked to take me to the park.”
“Me and my dad liked to go fishing.”
“My uncle was like a father to me, I didn’t have a father growing up.”
Only a few years ago 21-year-old Ellie Kroznuski was at the microphone, sharing a memory of her person, her dad, and lighting a candle to be passed down the line to be placed atop a raft floating on the still water of the lake. Her dad loved Star Wars and classic rock and tropical vacations. He died when she was 12. Camp Erin was a place where Kroznuski learned how to grieve. And now it’s a place where she remembers and supports children and teens going through the same thing, in her role as a volunteer camp counselor.
“When I first lost him, I did not talk to anybody about it besides my mom and sister. It was so hard for me. But, it [Camp Erin] really gave me a different mindset where, yes, it’s hard, but it’s also important to remember the person and talk about them and think about them,” Kroznuski said.
A place to grieve and heal
Camp Erin is a free grief camp for children and teens from 6 to 17 years old. Led by bereavement professionals and trained volunteers from Penn Medicine Hospice as part of the David Bradley Children’s Bereavement Program, Camp Erin Philadelphia is part of a national Camp Erin network. The Luminary Ceremony, a cornerstone of the weekend, is just one of the events designed to help campers explore their grief, while also embracing the solidarity of a community with a shared experience.
“Some of those losses are very hard and very traumatic, and I think at the end of the day when you have the support system of Camp Erin, it gives you the tools to be able to work through those challenging moments,” said Julie Shimborski, a volunteer and the cousin of the camp’s namesake: Erin Metcalf.
Metcalf died in 2000 at age 17, after a two-year battle with liver cancer. During that fight she met Major League Baseball pitcher Jamie Moyer and his wife Karen Phelps Moyer through the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and a friendship was formed.
“Her [Erin’s] big thing was, what happens when I die, how do my sisters move on, how do they live happy and healthy adult lives? And that’s where Camp Erin was born,” Shimborski said.
Camp Erin was created through The Moyer Foundation (now called Eluna) in 2002. Since then it has become the largest free grief camp for kids and teens in the U.S., serving more than 37,000 campers nationwide and 1600 at Camp Erin Philadelphia.
Growing up and giving back
The Philadelphia chapter is in its 15th year. That’s long enough for a few former campers, like Kroznuski, to grow up and become volunteers dedicated to passing along lessons and experience to a new generation.
“My mindset when I’m a volunteer is, I’m not really there for my own grief anymore,” said Kroznuski. “I’m somebody who likes to have fun and spread positivity and just seeing the kids happy and having fun together, because I know how hard that time of your life is and how much of a getaway that weekend is. It was just so rewarding.”
She serves on the camp’s Games and Entertainment Committee, which organizes a Carnivarty (“obviously,” she said, as if it required no explanation, that is a combination of a carnival and party), and field games. These uplifting moments fit into a deeply thought-out agenda that alternates between heavy moments of grieving and explosions of celebration and joy.
“It looks kind of crazy. But really, the idea is that there is a dual process going on,” said Anthony Morelli, Jr., MSS, LCSW, the camp rituals facilitator. Morelli, who has expertise in grief counseling, says adults can handle extended direct experience with grief, but that’s not always the case for teens and younger people. “So, we have to be really careful with the rituals to calibrate that.”
Like many in the leadership of Camp Erin, Morelli is a clinician. He’s been working with grieving children for more than a decade. The volunteer ranks also run deep with Penn Medicine employees, like hospice social worker Bonnie Pasternack.
“I’ve gone to camp my whole life. I thought it sounded like an amazing service to our community,” said Pasternack, who’s in her fourth year of volunteering. This is a time for giving back, but also for learning.
“It helps me work with families with children to understand what it may be like for them after the fact,” Pasternack said. She said that this understanding puts her in a better position to connect families with bereavement services.
A magical transformation
The camp is in the rolling hills of Montgomery County and free to families in Pennsylvania and parts of New Jersey who are dealing with a loss. It’s only one weekend each summer, but what it lacks in length is made up for in impression.
“They come in on Friday, they’re nervous, they’re scared, it might be the first time they’ve gone to camp. And then by Sunday they’re laughing, they’ve made new friends, and honestly a little bit of their innocence returns,” Shimborski said.
That metamorphosis extends beyond the campers.
“It is an absolute magical connection that will transform you. I cannot, in any way, say how two and a half days of a singular weekend can have the impact that it does….you gotta see it for yourself,” said Paul Shady, who’s been volunteering for a decade.
Keeping the legacy afloat
A pair of kayakers paddled into the middle of the lake, towing the raft full of candles representing each camper’s person, and their memories. Ripples radiated from each kayaker, and those ripples then crashed into each other breaking the stillness of the lake: A demonstration of the consequence of loss.
As the lake returned to its placid state, the campers walked back to the middle of camp across a footbridge lined with luminary bags dedicated to each camper’s person. The walk began silently, then whispers became conversations. Eyes wet with tears tightened into smiles, and eventually laughter again cut through the thick air as the campers headed to the big Carnivarty. It’s all part of the formula in working through grief and emotion.
And Kroznuski watched silently from the grass, connecting with her surroundings, connecting with the heavens, and connecting with her dad.
“Camp Erin has helped me see I’m not alone in this world and that I can depend upon others,” said Kroznuski. “It’s made me see I’m a person who just wants to give a lot of love to this world.”